Austin Powers 4
by clarrie
Summary: A supercomputer, a mid-life crisis and an ageing Nazi love bunny. Got to be Austin Powers four baybee!


Clarrie and Chloe (but mostly Clarrie's)

This was started almost immediately after Austin Powers 3. But due to, well, stuff, it got put aside. It's possible that it'll never be finished. 

**Austin powers 4**

CREDITS SEQUENCE

EXTERIOR AUSTINS PAD

__

Credits superimposed over film. 

A bell rings, cut to inside the flat. 

Agent 69's arm comes out from beneath the quilt and throws the alarm against the wall, she gets up and throws off the quilt, Austin wakes up and swings himself onto the edge of the bed. 

Agent 69 goes to the window and stretches behind her Austin touches his toes, Agent 69 touches her toes, behind her Austin stretches, this is repeated three times in time to the music. On the third time Agent 69 walks round Austin and into the bathroom. 

Switch to bathroom view. 

Agent 69 looks in the mirror and pokes her tongue out, pulls down her the side of her eyes and pulls back her top lip to check her teeth. She bends down. Austin walks in behind her and looks in the mirror giving a big Colgate smile, Agent 69 stands up and throws a can of deodorant over her shoulder. Austin catches it and sprays five times in time with music (twice each arm and once downstairs). They start to brush teeth in synchronisation with each other and music (one brushing in mirror whilst other rinses and spits). 

Austin turns and re-enters the main area, the camera follows him. He start's to brew up some coffee in time to the music.

****

(FROM THE BATHROOM) 'Tights!' 

__

He takes a pair of tights (is it panty hose in America?) from the radiator and throws them into the bathroom. He goes to open a low cupboard and sees his own bare feet.

****

Austin: Socks! 

__

A pair of socks fly out of the bathroom and hit him in the back of the head. He puts them on. Agent 69 walks out of the bathroom dressed. Music fades out.

****

Agent 69 (kissing Austin on the top of his head) Morning Muppet. 

__

Agent 69 takes a sip of coffee

****

Austin: Where do you want to go today baby? Grr.

****

Agent 69: (standing back up) It doesn't matter where I _want_ to go, I_ have _to go to work.

****

Austin (looking crestfallen): Oh, can't you take an acky day? Throw a sicky? Come on baby, bunk off and we'll bunk up! (Grins)

****

Agent 69: (kisses Austin on top of head again) No. (turns round and picks up bag) I'll be back this evening. If you don't get called in then try and make yourself useful. We still need to get Basil his present remember. 

****

Austin: Yeah, wow Basil retiring.

****

Agent 69: he is 60 Austin. It's the law.

****

Austin: Yeah but wow.

****

Agent 69: Well try and pick up the dry cleaning as well, I put your best suit in for Basil's party. _(Opens door to leave)_

****

SCENE 2

INTERIOR, DR EVILS LAIR, MAIN CHAMBER.

__

Scott, No2, mini-me, Frau and baby Attilla sit at the large table. Dr Evil stands at the head of the table.

Frau looks dishevelled and very, very tired. Her hair is not held in it's usual iron grip and her clothes are not as crisply pressed as usual. She holds Attilla who is whimpering crossly.

Dr Evil stands addressing the group.

****

Dr Evil: We must not allow ourselves to become discouraged.

__

Frau yawns, interrupting Dr Evils' speech, Dr Evil looks across sharply.

****

Dr Evil: We cannot let a few minor….

__

Frau yawns widely and takes hold of a cup of coffee.

****

Dr Evil: A few minor…

__

Frau slurps the coffee noisily, interrupting Dr Evils' speech 

****

Dr Evil: Ok, trying to stir up enthusiasm for the cause here.

__

Frau slurps her coffee again and then looks up in surprise as she realises everyone is staring at her.

Scott sniggers

****

Frau: Pardon Herr docteurr?

****

Dr Evil: this is not the kind of behaviour I expect from my hench people Frau farbissinna, 

__

Frau looks slightly taken aback

****

Dr Evil: I mean look at yourself, you're getting sloppy

****

Frau (raising an eyebrow): Sloppy?

****

Scott: Uh Oh.

****

Dr Evil: I expect my Evil board to be attentive and enthusiastic. How can you hope to rule the world if you can't see over your coffee cup?

****

Frau: (icily calm) You have a problem with me being tired ja?

__

Dr Evil starts to agree

****

Frau: You think that I spend all night sitting up with the crying und the teething und the feeding und the poopy diapers, just to interrupt your speeches.

__

Dr Evil goes to say something but is interrupted.

****

Frau: You would be Herr Perky ja, You would be running marathons before breakfast ja. Ok, here (hands baby Attilla to Dr Evil) here you go Herr Perky. (Takes the baby sling type thing she was wearing around her neck off) You try a little world domination with this around your neck.

__

Frau storms out of the main chamber

****

Dr Evil: Well….

__

Hands baby Attilla to no2 who hands him to Scott who pulls a face. 

****

Dr Evil: No2, could you get some new henchwomen together for auditioning, I've heard some very good things about Madame Effrayant.

__

Scott and No2 look aghast.

****

No2: With the greatest respect sir we can't afford to lose her.

****

Scott: She's the only one who knows where all our stuff is

****

No2: Roughly speaking sir that is correct.

__

Scott hands Attilla back to Dr Evil

****

Scott: Your bundle man.

__

Dr Evil screws up his face

****

Dr Evil: Oh, dear god, oh, that is an unimaginable stench.

__

No2 and Scott nod.

****

Dr Evil: Should it smell like that?

****

No2: I, I don't know sir, I have no frame of reference.

****

Scott: He needs changing, ass.

****

Dr Evil (in a wheedling tone) Scott, would you like to help daddy? You going to help daddy?

****

Scott: (sarcastically) Uhh, no.

****

Dr Evil: no2?

__

No2 shakes his head.

****

Dr Evil: mini-me?

__

Mini-me shakes his head

Everyone leaves the main chamber, leaving Dr Evil alone with baby Attilla. Dr Evil places him upon the table 

****

Dr Evil: Ok, I'm the boss I can do this….

****

SCENE 3

INTERIOR, A LARGE DEPARTMENT STORE.

__

Austin is looking at some small trinket. A carriage clock or something. He looks self-conscious and nearly drops it when a salesgirl approaches him from behind the till.

****

Salesgirl: Sir?

****

Austin: Oh hi baby, you couldn't give me a price on this could you?

****

Salesgirl: Certainly sir, gift for a friend is it?

****

Austin: Yeah baby, are you this intuitive in everything you do?

****

Salesgirl: I wouldn't like to say sir. (Looking at book for price) You know many of our retiring businessmen prefer something from our spirits section. We're giving away a company briefcase with every case of 12 year old malt this week. I dare say sir would find that useful.

****

Austin; Not especially love, you see (leans forward conspiratorially) I shouldn't really be telling you this but I'm a government agent.

****

Salesgirl: Yes sir (ringing up his purchase) and at weekends I'm one of Charlie's angels. Would that be all?

****

SCENE 4

INTERIOR, DR EVIL'S LAIR, A CORRIDOR.

__

Dr Evil, no2 and Scott stand outside the door to Frau's room. Scott holds Attilla who is wearing one of Scott's shirts rather than the usual quasi-futuristic romper suit/babygro. No2 is trying to work out how to put on the baby sling.

Dr Evil bends to shout through the keyhole

****

Dr Evil: Frau? Frau Farbissinna are you in there? Frau? (Turns to group) I don't think that she can be….

****

Frau: WHAT!!! Do we remember what this means? Yes big Frau shout.

Everyone reels back startled, Attilla gurgles happily.

****

Dr Evil: Frau Farbissinna I will not have this impudence.

****

Scott: Ass

Dr Evil glares at Scott and turns back to the door.

****

Dr Evil: Is it because you're tired? Is that the problem?

****

Scott: Well duh.

****

Dr Evil: OK, zip it.

****

Scott: but she!

****

Dr Evil: zip it!

****

Scott: but she said…

****

Dr Evil: zip it!

****

Scott: But you…

****

Dr Evil: Oh look at mini-me he's all small, why? Because we zipped him!

****

Scott: I give up (hands Attilla to no2) You can do this on your own 

Scott walks off down the corridor

****

Dr Evil: (calling after Scott) we don't need you Scott. We have a game plan! (To no2) We don't have a game plan do we.

****

No2: Not as such no doctor.

****

Dr Evil: nothing we could adapt?

****

No2: We've never had to deal with this before doctor. 

****

Dr Evil: Any suggestions?

****

No2: A nanny? (Bounces Attilla who is whining again)

Dr Evil turns back to door

****

Dr Evil: Should we get a nanny Frau Farbissinna? 

****

Frau: (through door) A nanny?

****

Dr Evil: ya, would that help you to work properly for evil corp again

An eerie calm, Attilla starts to whimper.

****

Dr Evil: (fingers crossed and looking at no2) not that you ever stopped working properly of course (listens hopefully).

****

Dr Evil: Gute Frau?

****

Frau: (through door) ja, gute

****

Dr Evil: So you back with us?

****

Frau: (through door) ja,

Dr Evil turns to face no2

****

Dr Evil: ok get some fricking nannies to the main chamber to interview… (He is stopped mid sentence by the door opening outwards sending him sprawling across the floor) I'm ok; I'm the boss. (Stands up and brushes himself off), No2 you have your orders.

****

SCENE 5

INTERIOR, A DRY CLEANING SHOP.

__

Austin stands there holding his carrier bag with basil's gift in it. The owner passes a crushed velvet suit with a frothy cravat wrapped in a plastic dry cleaning bag over the counter.

****

Austin: Yeah, my threads.

Owner passes short black dress in plastic bag over counter.

****

Owner: This for Mrs Powers then is it sir?

****

Austin: well…

****

Owner: Say no more sir, we get all sorts through here.

****

Austin: Hey! No, that sort of things not my bag. We're not married is all I meant, what do I look like man?

****

Owner: (leaning on the counter and breathing outwards) living together eh sir?

****

Austin: Yeah

****

Owner: don't tell me about living together, (sourly) 'It's just a piece of paper', 'Do I have to prove it to everyone, isn't my word enough?' And then they leave you to marry Graham from accounting. (Clears his throat and looks slightly embarrassed) At least so I've heard.

****

Austin: Hey my bird wouldn't do that.

****

Owner: Yes of course sir, would that be all?

__

Austin leaves looking worried.

****

SCENE 6

INTERIOR, MAIN CHAMBER, DR EVIL'S LAIR.

__

Dr Evil, Scott, Frau and baby Attilla are seated at the big table. No2 stands away to the side 

The guards enter holding a woman with a blanket held over her head .She is struggling.

****

Dr Evil: (Reading from a clipboard) OK, It says here that you have experience with the major European languages.

__

Blanket is removed from woman's head revealing her to be the actress Julie Andrews.

****

Dr Evil: Could you tell me in which you are fluent?

****

Julie Andrews: I don't know what's going on here but I'll tell you what I told those soldiers or whatever they are. I'm not a bloody nanny I'm…

****

Dr Evil: OK, OK, Governess jeez throw me a fricking bone here.

****

Julie Andrews: I'm a well respected actress! 'Thoroughly modern Millie'? 'Victor/ Victoria'?

Spreads her arms 

****

Julie Andrews (singing) if I were a man

I could do a lot of things a woman never can…

__

She plummets through a trapdoor to her fiery death as Dr Evil presses the button.

****

SCENE 7

INTERIOR, AUSTIN AND AGENT 69'S BEDROOM.

Austin sits up in bed watching football (soccer) on the television. He hears the door click open and turns off the TV. He turns to face the door as Agent 69 enters.

****

Austin: where have you been baby? I've been worried sick.

****

Agent 69 (getting ready for bed) I went out for a drink with some people from work. 

****

Austin: Who?

****

Agent 69: You don't know them, (sees that Austin wants names) Graham, and some others from accounts.

****

BIG CAMERA CLOSE UP ON AUSTINS FACE WHICH IS REGISTERING EXTREME SHOCK. 

VOICE ECHO THE WORD _GRAHAM. Graham graham_

Austin shakes his head to dispel the echo/doubt.

****

Austin (giving a bright smile and tapping the bed) Never mind, you're here now baby so let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing.

****

Agent 69: (getting into bed, yawning and turning off the light and turning her back on Austin) not tonight Austin. I'm tired.

****

CUT ON CLOSE UP OF AUSTIN'S MISERABLE FACE.

SCENE 8

INTERIOR, MAIN CHAMBER, DR EVIL'S LAIR.

__

Dr Evil, Mini-me, no2, Scott, Frau and baby Attilla sit at the big table. Facing them stands the actress Fran Drescher star of the TV sit-com 'The nanny'.

****

Fran Drescher/Fran Fine: So I'm saying why should I be Dr Evil's nanny but she's no use to talk to because she's got this new man, meanwhile ma swears she saw him at her 'meet the stars of loveboat' dinner, so that's going to end in tears _as usual…_

A mobile phone rings. Fran takes the phone from her bag.

****

Fran Drescher/ fine: Oh you must think I'm such a flake.

__

Clicks on phone.

****

Fran Drescher/ fine: Maaaaaaaa! (Covers phone with hand) It's my ma.

****

Dr Evil: We thought it probably was (rest of villains nod in stunned agreement)

****

Fran Drescher/ Fine (into phone) Yes I put my good suit on ma, (looks at Frau) _no_ this one's still alive …

CAMERA SWITCHES TO TABLE.

__

Dr Evil, Scott and No2 are gawping at Fran who as in the proggramme 'the nanny' is wearing big, big hair and very little else. Frau looks disaproving.They turn to each other to make a decision.

****

Dr Evil: Well she seems like a pleasant enough girl. No2? Scott?

__

No2 and Scott nodd extreme agreement.

****

Scott: I like her

__

They turn to Frau.

****

Dr Evil: Frau Farbissinna?

****

Frau: Nien.

__

They look crestfallen.

****

Dr Evil: Are you sure? ( pauses and looks at Fran who is still jabbering to her mother on the mobile) She looks ( pauses) competent.

****

Frau: NIEN!! (her hand darts forward and presses the button consigning Fran to a fiery death)

****

Dr Evil: _OK_.(to himself)Who do I have to get fricking Mary Poppins?

__

Scott looks up and opens his mouth.

****

Dr Evil: Ya Scott, I know ok , so zip it.

__

Scott looks like he considers saying something but settles with muttering 'Ass'.

****

Dr Evil: Ok No2, send in the next applicant

__

The doors slide open.

****

No2: Presenting Frau Konkurrenzfahig.

__

Venus in furs by the Velvet underground starts up in the background.

Behind the door is a thin vinegary looking woman. Approximately the same age as Frau and similar in appearance and costume, her businesslike suit is black instead of grey, she wears a short tie instead of a kitten bow and her hair is cut into a dark black bob cut a la Jane from 'Zoë, Duncan, Jack and Jane' if you've seen that programme. She has the same ugly middle aged dominatrix thing as Frau going on though. She stands, legs apart, head held high and shoulders back.

She snarls.

****

No2: (off camera) A student of the Zornhochschule in Bavaria, Frau Konkurrenzfahig is trained in twenty-seven of the deadly arts. She is proficient in firearms up to 500 yards and was a regular participant in British SAS survival courses until she was banned after being the only participant to return alive…

__

The camera, previously trained on Frau Konkurrenzfahig pans around to reveal that Frau Konkurrenzfahig and Frau Farbissinna's eyes are locked onto each other.

****

No2 (off camera) Among her former employers Frau Konkurrenzfahig counts several members of the Transylvanian aristocracy, a senior agent in the Russian secret service and the now deceased dictator of a small South American country.

__

Frau Farbissinna and Frau Konkurrenzfahig exchange *ick* smouldering eye contact.

****

Frau: (distantly) Ja?

****

No2 (off camera) As well as her native German, Frau Konkurrenzfahig is fluent in the major European languages, Latin and Greek.

She lists her interests as practising extreme self-discipline and the music of Wagner and Gustav Mahler.

__

Frau Farbissinna, continuing to exchange eye contact with Frau Konkurrenzfahig, begins to play with her hair, twisting it around her finger. She runs her tongue over her top lip.

Dr Evil grabs the camera and turns it back towards himself and the men.

****

Dr Evil: Ok, this is gross, nobody wants to see this.

__

He turns towards Frau Konkurrenzfahig.

****

Dr Evil: Frau Konkurrenzfahig, I will assume from this that your, 'qualifications' have proved adequate. If you would care to take a seat no2 can begin the presentation.

****

Frau Konkurrenzfahig: (clicking her heels) Ja volle Herr Docteurr.

****

No2: The latest venture from Evil Corp, a triumph of computing technology…

__

Frau Konkurrenzfahig sits at the table next to Frau. Frau hands baby Attilla to Frau Konkurrenzfahig, as she places the child in Frau Konkurrenzfahig's arms she brushes her hand and makes a little purry cat noise.

****

Dr Evil: OK, (stopping no2) this has got to stop. I demand the full attention of my Evil board at all times. Scott, sit next to your mother.

****

Scott: What?

Dr Evil: Come on boy girl boy girl. If I have to separate you to get your attention then that's what I'll do.

__

Frau and Frau Konkurrenzfahig, sit straight-backed on either side of Scott, paying full attention to Dr Evil

****

Dr Evil: No2, the presentation.

****

No2: The latest venture from Evil Corp, a triumph of computing technology programmed by some of the finest minds available, project 'scanners'…

__

Scott snorts.

****

Dr Evil: What?

****

Scott: Oh nothing, you carry on 

__

Dr Evil motions No2 to carry on.

****

No2: Project 'scanners'…

__

Scott snorts again

****

Dr Evil: what is it Scott?

****

Scott: OK Scanners was this film, right with…

****

Dr Evil (fixing Scott with an intense, unmoving stare) I know.

__

He doesn't take his eyes off of Scott who begins to fidget nervously

****

Scott: Yeah but… You couldn't … its not… 

__

Dr Evil smiles eerily

****

Scott: (standing up and shouting in aggressive panic) Oh, just, just bite me you lazy eyed psycho.

__

Dr Evil and mini-me giggle

****

Dr Evil: Ok, Scott sit down. Just having a little fun with you. 

__

Scott sits down crossly.

****

Dr Evil: No2, continue…

****

No2: Project 'scanners' employs advanced algorithms (I'd like to point out I have no idea what this word means and am using it only because it sounds good) to read and interpret brain waves. Creating a computer that can actually read and store a person's thoughts. (Presses button and computer with chair attached to it slides up out of the floor) And it's windows compatible.

****

Dr Evil: Cool. 

****

No2: Dr Evil, meet Meg

__

He presses the red button, the computer lights up, a pleasant female computerised voice with a slight welsh accent says.

****

Computer: Good morning Doctor, who would you like to read today?

****

Dr Evil: Cool. 

Dr Evil turns to Scott.

****

Dr Evil: No2, attach Scott to the computer.

****

Scott (shocked) no way man. You melt someone else's head.

****

Dr Evil: It's perfectly safe Scott, we just need a demonstration subject.

__

No2 starts to connect Scott up to the computer.

****

No2: It's important that you don't speak once the computer has been turned on Scott. The demonstration is of the computer's thought reading capabilities.

__

Scott looks worried.

****

No2: Try not to worry Scott over 90 % of the rabbits used in the testing stage survived.

****

Scott: How can you do this? I'm your son for God's sake.

****

Dr Evil: ( gesturing casually towards Attilla) I have a spare .

__

Scott is dumbstruck.

****

Dr Evil: Turn on the computer!

__

No2 switches on the computer's thought reading capabilities.

****

Computer: this is such a crock of….

****

Dr Evil: OK zip it.

****

Computer: But you…

****

Dr Evil: Zip

****

Computer: I don't believe you, you are so…

****

Dr Evil: Shup

****

Computer: But…

****

Dr Evil: Shup

****

Computer: But…

****

Dr Evil: Shup

****

Computer: Aaargh what is wrong with you?

****

Dr Evil: Ok we've seen that it works. Disconnect him.

No2 disconnects Scott who rubs his temples and glares at Dr Evil.

****

Dr Evil: Ok, so…

****

No2: If you would excuse me Dr, there is more…

****

CUT TO THE HANGER AREA.

__

They stand inside the Evil bus. No2 throws a switch.

****

Computer: Good morning Dr, back so soon?

****

Dr Evil: Cool

****

Frau: Ja, like nightrider.

****

Dr Evil: Ya, ya. Ok my plan…

__

They get off of the bus and Dr Evil stands facing the group.

****

Dr Evil: In two days time Basil Exposition, Head of the British secret services will retire. It is my plan to kidnap him at his retirement party. We will connect him to Meg and release the secrets of the British ministry of defence over the internet, unless of course we receive…

****

Scott: (turning to walk away) Yeah ok 100 billion dollars, I haven't got time for this, I have rehearsals.

****

Dr Evil: Rehearsals?

****

Scott: My band 'Scott tape and the repairs'.

****

Dr Evil: Are they evil?

****

Scott: (shrugs) We rock.

****

Dr Evil: (walking towards group) ok I have a change to my plan…

****

SCENE 9

AUSTINS FLAT.

__

The alarm clock goes off Agent 69's arm comes out from beneath the quilt and throws the alarm against the wall, she gets up and throws off the quilt Austin however merely pulls the quilt back up. Agent 69 is at the bathroom stage of the morning routine from the beginning of the film before she realises Austin is still in bed. (She throws the deodorant back and no one catches it) she finishes dressing and walks into the main room.

****

Agent 69: Austin?

__

Austin grunts from beneath the covers.

****

Agent 69: Austin are you alright?

****

Austin: (from beneath the covers) yes, go to work.

****

Agent 69: Don't you want me to throw a sicky?

****

Austin: (from beneath the covers) no, go to work.

****

Agent 69: (looking worried) Ok, bye Austin. See you tonight.

__

Austin grunts from beneath the covers.

****

SCENE 10

__

Inside the Evil bus which is moving. Everyone is inside the bus, also in the bus are 'Scary Jeff', 'Loco', Robbie, 'Swampboy' and Pete together known as 'the repairs'.

Scary Jeff is a dressed in Goth clothes and blind guy sunglasses, he lies against the side of the bus, Robbie and Pete look like reasonably normal teenage boys, 'Loco' has a ginger afro and wears a skinny top, he lies upside down on one of the seats and 'Swampboy' is a six foot, five stone acne testing zone with lank hair, glasses and personality problems. He sits on the floor.

Frau Konkurrenzfahig sits a little further up the bus with Attilla on her lap. Scott walks down to the back of the bus where the band are and throws them a drink.

****

'Swampboy': Cool

__

Robbie, Pete and 'Loco' repeat variations on the theme of thanks. 'Scary Jeff' nods.

****

Pete: Your dad is so cool.

****

Scott: He is not!

****

Swampboy (looking at Frau Konkurrenzfahig) And your mom is _hot._

****

Pete (understandably disturbed): Oh what!

****

Robbie: What is _wrong_ with you man?

****

Scary Jeff: (slowly, deliberately and with authority) You are a sick, sick little man Swampboy.

****

Scott: That's not my mom, that's the nanny.

****

Scary Jeff: (slowly, deliberately and with authority): Do not defend him Scott. He is abnormal.

__

Swampboy scowls.

****

Scary Jeff (takes a drag on his cigarette): The most that he can hope for is that he himself can accept the fact.

****

No2 (from the front of the bus) We are approaching London Dr.

****

Dr Evil: Ok is everybody ready.

__

(The band grab their instruments, Frau stands up, Frau Konkurrenzfahig stands up with Attilla strapped into like a papoose thing on her back)

****

Dr Evil: Ok ramblers lets get rambling, I heard that somewhere I don't know…

****

SCENE 11

INTERIOR FUNCTION HALL.

__

Smartly dressed people mingle whilst eating canapés, on a podium a dinner jacketed band play generic dinner jazz.

Austin leans against the bar, He looks disgruntled.

Agent 69 approaches carrying a pint of lager and a tall colourful drink, she passes Austin the tall colourful drink.

****

Agent 69: (smiling) Here you go 'sex on the beach' It sounded like you'd like it. 

__

Austin nods sadly.

****

Agent 69: Well you're just a bundle of funny. (sips from her pint) I thought you liked parties?

__

Austin shrugs

****

Agent 69: You want to dance? (questioningly) Get your groove thang going? Funk up the volume? (frowns at Austin's lack of response) Well, (sarcastically) isn't _this_ fun...

****

Austin: (pouting) Why don't you go dance with Graham. 

****

Agent 69: What?

__

Meanwhile, In the background the music screeches to a halt as dinner jacketed generic light jazz band are knocked out and carried away from the podium. No one notices, despite the sudden lack of music and total lack of subtlety.

****

Austin:Graham from accounts,your new boy toy,why don't you go dance with him?

****

Agent 69: Um, are you on drugs?

****

SCENE 12

EXTERIOR PARTY

__

Scott's band, The two Fraus, Dr Evil, No2, Mini-Me etc, stand outside facing the doorman, carrying Scott's bands noticeably non-acoustic instruments, wearing the jazz band's stolen dinner jackets, and false moustaches. Even Attilla.

****

Scott: (scratches head, slouches in an unprofessional manner) Uh, we're, like, the band? 

****

To be continued.


End file.
